A lot of people in America think that President Trump is some sort of Manchurian candidate, groomed by the KGB to have a buffoon in Washington so that the world turns to Vladimir Putin for relatively sensible world leadership. You’d think it would be easier for Putin to just buy a new shirt+tie and leave the horses alone? If there’s a grain of truth in it I certainly hope it’s not a grain of Polonium 210, that’s how they do things over there…
Contrast that to the UK where some people think that the Soviet Union loving fanboy Jeremy Corbyn is some kind of secret Conservative plant, groomed in order to keep the Labour party out of power. Certainly as a free market libertarian, I for one was very happy to see the leavers of power handed to his close circle of unelectable overgrown students with their social justice warrior, virtue tilting, privilege checking idiocy.
But that brings us to this week’s bi-election results in Stoke and Copeland, which show that while a stopped clock is right twice per day, Jezz will have to settle for once. It seems that the proletariat in the north of England have looked revolutionary politics in the eye and decided that the National Health Service is ok but that the complete overthrow of capitalism is taking it a bit too far. Still, at least Jeremy Corbyn has his own hair and that’s saying something these days…
This week Kim Jong Un ordered the assassination of his half brother which sort of puts at least some of the Trump hysteria in perspective. Sure, his National Security Advisory had to resign but Trump didn’t murder anyone and I don’t think he even groped anyone. Supposedly there were red flags, apparently with hammers & sickles on them, it’s yet another things for the courts to sort out I suppose.
I still think the whole thing is a deliberate distraction though: get people so fatigued about the ongoing incompetence that nobody will care when Trump sells federal land to himself for $20 per acre or the Kremlin rolls tanks into Scandinavia. I suppose if Machiavelli had had access to Buzzfeed and Facebook, the Renaissance would have similarly turned out very different, although I don’t know if the Sistine Chapel would look better or worse if you added Kittens and Game Of Thrones references.
Meanwhile in the UK… Um, everything’s probably fine now. We used to have problems with social care and the long term sustainability of the health system and there was something to do with Europe, I forget exactly, but given how all anyone’s interested in nowadays is photoshopped pictures of Steve Bannon, I can only assume that all that stuff worked out fine in the end, which is nice.
Speaker of the House, John Bercow, has never been one to be shy away from the press if he can get everyone to see how progressive and ‘right on’ and politically correct and he is. And so this week he decided to let everyone know that he doesn’t like Donald Trump by saying that he wouldn’t be welcome at Westminster. I imagine that a lot of folk would rather John Bercow wasn’t around either, especially his wife when she’s got one of her gentleman friends round.
It’s the hypocrisy that annoys most MPs as well: in the past we’ve welcomed leaders like Robert Mugabe and Vladimir Putin to the UK. We even gave Nicolae Ceausescu a knighthood for crying out loud, and we let famed war criminal Tony Blair walk around Downing street like he owned the place or something.
Elsewhere, Nigel Farage has supposedly “Brexited” from his wife. Say what you will about his politics, at least the guy’s consistent in how he approaches life. Contrast that to Jeremy Corbyn who’d struggle to definitively say what the result of a coin toss was, or to the candidates in the upcoming French election who apparently can’t decide whether they want to be President of France or simply gang leader in a local white collar prison, following indictment and prosecution on grand corruption charges: Vive La France!
Last weekend things got pretty darn serious and President Trump decided to ban people travelling to America from Iran, Somalia and some other countries, essentially because they’re predominantly Muslim places. I suppose you could maybe try to find the positives: perhaps the US will formally recognise Palestine as a country [?] in order so that Trump can then presumably ban Palestinian people from travelling to the US.
Curiously, Saudi Arabia didn’t make the cut. It’s a brutal Islamic theocracy with regular executions and outrageous human rights abuses in the name of strict sharia law, but Trump looked the place up and down, opened up his report card and wrote: Must Try Harder, C-
Curiously, Sudan was on the list but not South Sudan. Trump’s in his 70s mind, perhaps he’s still using Microsoft Encarta and is therefore unaware that the country actually split in two a few years ago.
And talking about places diving up, Brexit passed it’s vote in Westminster this week so we’re a few yards further into the steeplechase that is getting legislation sorted – then figuring out which cabinet minister can make the most money flogging books on the subject. I imagine Theresa May wishes that she too could just whip out a gold sharpie and get the thing over and done with in a weekend with an executive order, like they do in America.
Following a High Court Ruling, Brexit was the main topic of conversation at Westminster this week and the opposition benches are in in a confused mess over the whole thing. Labour MPs have really still not come to terms with last year’s vote. Most of them still haven’t managed to wrap their heads around how the public were stupid enough to vote “Yes” – when they were asked whether Jeremy Corbyn should remain party leader. The Conservative side’s not too much better mind, although at least you can rely on people like Osbourne or Cameron to dramatically change their stance to whatever the new PM wants, as long as there’s an all expenses paid speaking tour thrown in. I reckon Kenneth Clarke might even vote yes to Article 50 if you offered him a grotesquely large slap up dinner and threw in some tickets to see Wynton Marsalis playing at Ronnie Scotts.
However the big news was across the pond with Mr Trump, reiterating that he thinks he can get Mexico to pay for a border wall. If he can pull that off and convince Mexico to drop $20 billion on it that then fair play to the guy but I expect it’s going to be a bit like politely asking the BBC to appoint Jeremy Clarkson as Director General. In the mean time Theresa May’s popped in to say hello at the White House this weekend and I imagine there was a lot to discuss, like why it takes about 4 hours to pass through US border control or why he spends more time on his hair than she does.
And finally in entertainment news, Michael Jackson’s daughter came out this week and claimed her father was murdered. New evidence suggests that the finger of blame should be pointed at “The Boogie”
Last week I finished watching the HBO show “Westworld” and this weekend I started watching the final season of America.
Yes, this weekend, Mr Trump finally became President Trump, and that was really about the end of it. No major crowd trouble, no gunmen, no Miss World flash mob for the new emperor. After signing some papers with a gold felt tip pen and checking that Obama had remembered to redirect his mail, they all had a meal and went home for the most part. I was hoping that maybe Trump would order in Pink Floyd to sing from their seminal album The Wall but apparently Roger Waters and David Gilmour hate each other more than Hilary hates The Donald.
For now, if you want to learn more about what goes on inside the mind of the new President, why not go online and buy one of his many books. According to my Amazon recommendations, those who browsed for his latest book, also browsed for rope and a stool.
In the run up to the election, Hilary thought she was going to piss all over Trump and this week we discovered that she could have probably charged him money for doing that sort of thing. Except then it turned out that it was just a bunch of made up lies. It’s like you can’t trust anything on the internet these days.
There was actually loads of real news, serious news, this week about Trump’s appointees or the like but a fake salacious news story about his private life and the KGB, that’s way more interesting, even if it’s not true. It does make you wonder about that Photograph of Trump and Nigel Farage though, was that really an “elevator” or was it a garishly decked out walk in shower room?
See you next week for inauguration day. Will Putin show up? Will he be riding a horse? Will he acuse Trump of doing things to the horse? Tune in next week and find out!